things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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