i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
