So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
