last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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