i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
