Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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