Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
