I hate all girls vehemently.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
