you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do vagina's smell?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
