My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i believe in u and ur pee
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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