You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
