i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
