When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
