I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
high people should be assigned attendants
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
