Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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