My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
