Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
