i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
