Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
