Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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