Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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