got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
