They should really pass out barf bags in church
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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