Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
