Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think a kid would responsible me up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
