It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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