Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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