New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
