in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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