Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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