:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
