He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
