how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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