Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
