Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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