at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
