just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
