i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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