I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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