Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
