Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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