We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
