just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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