i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
