I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
