turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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