I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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