and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
