I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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