I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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