i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
