Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
