If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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