im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
