I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
